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My Guardian Angel
By Christy Williams
(Contact: christy@jpoil.com)

In loving memory of John Cryer
Passed away from cancer in November 1999
"Your spirit lives within all who knew you"

Growing up as a child,
I wanted to be just like you.
I followed you everywhere you went,
and listened to all that you said.

Although it didn't make sense then, when I
reached adulthood I began to understand.
What seemed like lectures then, later
turned into words of wisdom.

You helped me learn the difference
between right and wrong.
And that it's ok to be wrong,
we all make mistakes.

You taught me the value
and importance of family.
No matter what happens,
you guys would always be there.

"Never give up", you'd say.

If you don't succeed the first time,
try again. And if not then, try harder.

I always admired the way you believed
in something and stood by it.
Watching that, you instilled morals in me.
Always stand up for what is right.

Watching the way you treated people, I
learned you had a soft heart.
Even when your heart got stepped on, you
made room for forgiveness.

From that, I learned always treat other's
feelings as if you're holding your own.

Many times I watched you give your last
dime to help someone in need.
I can't recall a time you refused anyone,
no matter the situation.

Watching you give to so many people, taught
me that many are less fortunate than I.
You made sure I had everything I needed
and wanted.

Putting my needs before yours always
came first in your eyes.
From that, I learned I should not think only
of myself all the time.

Pride. You had alot of it.
You said,"Be proud of what you have,
and make people proud of what you do."

You said, "Don't spend too much time being
sad. Find the problem and fix it."
"Be strong," you'd say. If you feel you're
losing strength, open your heart and dig deeper.

When you thought I wasn't listening or
watching, I was.

As I grew up even more,
I watched you grow sick.
I knew you were strong though and not even
this would overcome you.

But what I didn't know was, that was just
the beginning of your journey home.

I don't think you realized that the more
I saw you hurt, it crushed my heart.
Not only could I see your pain, I could
feel it.

Everytime I would start to tell you how
much I loved you, my eyes would tear up.
To cry in front of you showed weakness,
I thought. So I swallowed my words.

I figured that I would have the time to
tell you later.

It wasn't until I watched you take your last
breath, that I realized my chance was gone.

I spent the next year or so with my heart
filled with anger and guilt.
No one or nothing could make me understand
why God was punishing you. I was hurt.

I questioned why couldn't He spare you. Why
wasn't I given enough time to tell you how
much I loved you?

No answer.

It wasn't until recently
I began to understand.
God had a special day and time set aside
just for you.

You were His child.
And it was your time to go home.
He was taking your pain away and carrying
the weight on His shoulders.

I also realized why God didn't give
me more time to tell you how much
I loved and cared for you.
Because, me and you, we have the same
heart and you already knew.

There is not a day that goes by that I
don't wish I could talk to you. Just to
say I love you and Thanks.
But at the same time, I know you are
watching over me and you know my heart.

I have always regretted the days we didn't
get to spend together, but I will forever
hold dear to my heart the ones we did.

I feel more peace knowing that you don't
know what pain is anymore.
Sometimes, when I look up at the stars,
I catch a glimpse of your smile.

I believe that God let you be my guardian
angel since you can't be with me here.
I know this because when I feel I'm about to
give up and I need you the most, you
speak to my heart.

You visit me in my dreams now and you
always leave a little bit of heaven behind.

I feel you.

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