I'll start to feel something, then I think it through,
Just to be sure that that feeling's true.
People often ask me how I'm doing, "Just Fine"
Is what I so often find myself replying.

I don't want to tell them, I don't want to speak,
For fear that this is all normal, and I'm just weak.
Everyone tells me, "You're so strong",
I don't want to prove them wrong.

I don't want to admit that I can't cope,
That my days are so full of hope.
Hope for the strength and the ability
To finally get myself to see.

No matter how I try, my thoughts are the other way around,
I bash, lecture, hurt and put myself down.

'You can do it' --- 'No you can't, don't try again'
'You deserve happiness' --- 'You deserve nothing but pain'
'Come on, brush it off. It's ok, get back on your feet'---
'No, don't bother, what's the use? You've already been beat'

It's all contradictory, I know,
That just goes to show......
That I'm lost, I'm confused, I don't understand,
I want to be able to ask for a helping hand.

But I'm scared. What if it's all ok?
What if everyone goes through it every day?
Then it'd be known that I'm just weak and unable
To keep the easiest of things stable.

What if the things that bring me to tears,
Have happened to others every day for years?
What if the things that confuse me
Are so simple for others to see?

What if the things that cause me to become lost and afraid
Are a natural part of everyone else's day?